This is for you, Susie.

2 years on, and it’s still a shock to me knowing you’re not around anymore. Anything to do with mental health always hits home to me, and so I thought I’d share an excerpt that was taken from a post of one of my old blogs, in the hopes that I could reach out to someone on a similar boat. Especially now with everything we’re hearing on the news, we all need to support one another and be the light to those around us.

The other day, I heard news that one of my high school teachers had committed suicide. The thing is, though, he wasn’t just any other high school teacher that I had. He was my absolute favourite teacher, who mentored me and guided me in getting through Year 12 and even helped me get my best HSC mark (edit: HSC is the final exams you take in your final year of high school back at home, or the NSW equivalent to the SATs in the US). It didn’t completely sink in though because at the time that I found out, I was out with some friends so I didn’t fully accept that he was gone. But once I got home and I stumbled across his letter for me on my last day of Year 12, as well as our photo together, I just broke down and I wasn’t sure why. I don’t know if it was because I was upset that he was gone, or angry because no one was able to stop him, or a bit of both, but I couldn’t stop crying and my heart felt so heavy and I wasn’t able to sleep that night.

From day 1 of year 8 history, he made me fall in love with the subject and got me so intrigued about it that I even chose Ancient History knowing that he would be one of my teachers. He was always filled with words of inspiration and encouragement every single class. Never have I ever worked so hard on a subject (even if it had no relevance to what I actually wanted to do with my life after high school). But to hear that he’s no longer around to bring that same joy and positive energy to future students breaks my heart. After hearing all the crap people have been saying about his past mistakes in the last month or so, and then to hear those same people say how upset they are about his passing, saddens me even more; so much that it brought anger and tears to my eyes.

But I think the thing that saddened me the most was just the idea that maybe because he had worked so hard trying to bring that joy and inspiration to others that no one was able to do the same for him. And it’s a shame to hear of so many people leaving this earth so so early for those same reasons.

My thoughts and prayers go out to you, Susie. You will be dearly missed by many, including myself. Thank you for always believing in me and my abilities, for your constant words of encouragement and inspiration.

Eternal rest, grant unto him O Lord. And may perpetual light shine upon him. From the gates of hell, deliver his soul O Lord. May he rest in peace. Amen. 

No matter how hard things may seem at the time, know that you will get past this and no problem is too little for your loved ones to handle. Everyone’s fighting their own battles, I’m constantly fighting mine. But know that you matter. You’re not alone in this. You can also seek help here and here.


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